I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
