tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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