Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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