Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
