he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Let's get the cat blown out
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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