He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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