it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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