First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
farters have to be the big spoon...
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
