I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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