I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
