GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
