Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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