dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Randomize
