i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
