from now on my penis is your penis
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
