hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
