No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
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