I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
