I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
