Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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