I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
