well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
