my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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