That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
