I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
