I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
