I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
