i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
