someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
