New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
