i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He better not be in your backpack
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
