i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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