I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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