i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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