note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
You don't make any sense
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