Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
