are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
