I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Randomize
