I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
