Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
