He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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