Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
