Non-Jews are for practice
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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