she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Randomize
