she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
