i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Randomize
