haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
