i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
