Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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