to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
