i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
