you guys were way drunker than both of me
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
