My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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